Sunday, December 01, 2013

la douleur exquise

There are 5 things I fear more than death.
Maybe more, but I don’t count so good.
To start with, I fear heartbreak
more than I fear death,
yet to be frank its a little death that keeps
on giving long after I have died.
For a heart is only a half until you bump into your other half
and a mechanic is summoned to weld those two halves
into one so the heart can start to beat.
And then she leaves.
She tears you apart leaving a gaping hole,
because you know, the heart doesn’t break even.
She leaves with a huge chunk of what used to be
your own half.
And so you die.

I fear the morning after more than death.
Because the dawn will come and Morpheus
will shove you from his lofty dreams
and Reality will bitch-slap you
to a beer bottle so you can drown your sorrow.
And die.
Another little death because die you must
with every day that dawns.
I once politely asked to remain in my dream-state
but Morpheus declined.
He called it Coma and he says
he doesn’t do mercy killings, thank you very much.

I fear you more than death itself.
For you are death-incarnate
and seeing you is fire and brimstone
shoved down my throat without ceremony.

I die so many deaths simply thinking about the way you breathe;
in and out, in and out.
Breathing just fine yet I am struggling
just to draw a single breath.
You left me winded with your dramatic exit,
high heels clicking like nails drilled into my heart.

I fear you for you are life itself
and leaving me is leaving me for dead.
You are my soul and without you I am simply a shell.
I talked of 5 things I fear more than death,
but instead of counting them off my fingers,
 I bunch them up into a fist
and that fist is you.



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