Jilted!

Before commencing with this mind-stimulating garbage, I had to take a 10 to 15 minute sabbatical so as to get my shit together. I am frankly procrastinating –that’s how I roll!

So thing is, I feel deep in my heart that to write about her as I am about to, will be setting the events of the last fortnight into stone. I can no longer be at liberty to alter the happenings as they were in actuality.

*Sigh!* OK. Here goes nothing…

The subject of my interest – my deepest love interest, all walls let down – Ta Ta Ta, let us call her Ms.Rabbit, born March 2, of Bu… Luz…, country blah blah blah, employee at Sp…, the Heart Thief from the until recently impenetrable Fort Syd, the Ruthless Heart Stomper, Loyal to None, Break-My-Heart-And-Make-Me-Thank-You: The woman of letters, well-versed, vastly experienced, Lethal Poison Dart, Venus Man Trap…Ta Ta Ta! Well, she ensnared yet another, and GOD! The state she left him! It can make you sigh and sigh until you drop down in deep sleep and you start snoring!

Shhh! I will whisper this on paper – She made me cry like a little girl - -TWICE!! OMG! You know how embarrassing that is for a guy like me?

Man, dude buddies came up to me wondering what to make of my reduced state of mind. Was I having my PERIOD? Or had I finally come to terms with my FEMININE SIDE? Messed up shit, if you ask me.

Adding salt to open sore, I did all those jilted-lover thingees that jilted lovers do all so well; the whole shebang, blind to how undignified it all was and how it wasn’t necessarily helping my cause: I grovelled (gave up all my man-rights), I cried when it suited me, I sulked when that failed; I threatened her with blackmail to cap it all. Then I cried some more before I totally freaked out!

SHE IS SEEING ANOTHER MAN! OMG! OMG! He better start digging his grave,‘cause when I find him, Luzira Maximum Prison won’t have the balls to contain me. Not even the hangman’s noose will be able to stifle such unimaginable blood and gore. He will end up soiling his pants at the sight of me.

What I will do to that (CENSORED) lover boy will be the talk OF town for years to come, I bet you the hairs on my back!

Anyways, on a lighter note, we will still be friends. It’s either that or that womanly freak of nature who happens to have male anatomy in his pants would have to encounter the vengeance of a Jilted Lover –RELOADED!

I frankly don’t see what she sees in him, not that I can…I’m Male, duh! My eyes are shut out from such bizarreness!

Without a doubt I am more manly, macho even; more good looking (Check me out and L.O.L). Even my exes want an encore of me, but you know me, I DON’T REPEAT MYSELF!

You know, I have bigger hands, a wider smile, bigger teeth, more hair on my head, and most importantly, I HAVE A BIGGER SHOE SIZE! Ask my sis!

Nobody should kid themselves—SIZE DOES MATTER!

But anyways, it’s Ms.Rabbit’s choice and hers alone. She has chosen the losing team, who am I to stand in her way? I can only oil my fists and wait to be summoned at short notice. I will make light work of that excuse of a man so Ms.Rabbit and I can get back to winning ways!